DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE !

Assuming WE are NOT the difficult ones, I proceed.

Who is Difficult to handle?
In relationships or workplace the characteristics are more or less same, like …
The Bossy
The Grumpy
The Cry baby
The Slouchy

OK, I accept this is too simplistic. One can always see all the detailed sub-categories which Carl Jung and later Myers-Briggs spelt out* …

Coming to our issue of dealing –
Option 1
EXPLAIN YOUR PREDICAMENT, if they are open to reason.
Don’t ramble. Be precise what’s troubling and stop. Let them ponder over it.
If you can’t talk, write a note. Again, don’t write an essay.

Option 2
CONFRONT, if your position in the relationship permits it.  Or, even if it does NOT!
Spell out your threshold.  And be clear once it’s crossed you will take a call.

Option 3
LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP, if both above options fail.
But prepare for consequences beforehand.

This should NOT be Option 4
SWALLOW AND MOVE ON, CURSING YOUR FATE.

*16 types based on 4 Dichotomies –
ATTITUDE  >> Extraversion  vs  Introversion ( E vs I)
PERCEPTION  >> Sensing  vs  iNtuition ( S vs N)
DECISION MAKING >> Thinking  vs Feeling ( T vs F)
RELATION TO OUTSIDE WORLD >> Judgment vs Perception ( J vs P)

3 elements to keep the love alive! And probably save the marriage too!

I came across this concept and thought it was a very sensible one. Hope it clarifies the confusion which many of us have, but cant word.

Sternberg's Love Triangle is a theory regarding the various facets of love. It states there are three factors in the love triangle model - INTIMACY, PASSION and COMMITMENT.

Intimacy exists when thoughts and feelings are shared.

Passion is the physical desire to want a person.

Commitment is the value placed on the relationship.

When a person is intimate, without being passionate or committed, there is a good friendship;

when a person is passionate without being intimate or committed, he or she is a flirt.

Thirdly, with only commitment, there is only a 'dead' relationship.

Intimacy and Passion together make up romance - the stuff all lovers are made of.

Passion and Commitment without intimacy is seen in adolescent love, or in cases of superficial love in early days of love when passion rules.

Commitment and Intimacy without passion happens when two people are either best friends or when there is no 'spark' in a marriage.

The detailed triangle can be seen here

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/26/Triangular_Theory_of_Love.gif

I am carrying a great sword but I am a Coward

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This Happiness blog is actually painful! The exercise has become a personal stock taking and the flaws are in Black & white.

We try to control our personal universe - family, work place and community. When it’s not effective we recheck only the external parameters. "What’s wrong in this scenario? Why it’s not working"

Stephen Covey says the realization is altered when we stop thinking “Outside In” and start looking "Inside Out".

Ask

"Do I possess the characteristics to get this situation in my control?"

"Am I sending the right signals to the people around me?"

The first step - I have to give up my resistance to truly look at myself without the cosmetic ‘soft light’.

The second step – Articulate my flaws loudly. As it’s often said, habits by sheer repetition concretize the character.

The third step – Put in an action plan to eradicate these failings.

Thiru Valluvar gave me a slap on the face “Having idealistic plans for society without personal management, is like a coward being given a great sword”

Why we carry our "Strengths' like a cross!

Only one idea explored in 150 words or less. Now that’s already 14 words!

We are the heroes and heroines in our own life, with a character defined by us. Its tough to get out of the mental script, even when a “Hamartia” is playing havoc in our life.

Hamartia or “fatal flaw” of Shakespeare’s tragic heroes – like Hamlet’s Procrastination or Macbeth’s Ambition.

When things are going terribly wrong all around us we blame others or we blame the situation. Very few blame themselves..hmmm.. or is it “ourselves”?! See.. that’s exactly what I meant.

So the “Nice” ones get nicer and nicer to become “soft”. “Disciplined” ones become “rigid”. “Ideas” people become “Dreamers”. “Efficient” ones become “Control Freaks”. If only there is an alarm which rings when we cross the thin line.

So we say “ I am like this.. so what?”, and opt to suffer rather than change.