Life pays what you ask

Today I came across this simple poem - “My Wage,”

I bargained with Life for a penny,
And Life would pay no more,
However I begged at evening
When I counted my scanty store;
For Life is a just employer,
He gives you what you ask,
But once you have set the wages,
Why, you must bear the task.
I worked for a menial’s hire,
Only to learn, dismayed,
That any wage I had asked of Life,
Life would have paid.
             - Jessie Belle Rittenhouse (1869–1948)

Call from friend
Since I am always blamed for under-selling my services, I was mulling over the essence of this poem.Just then a friend, who was my colleague in an earlier company, called. He used to be Head - Global Business Development for our company's flagship software product. He set up the entire online marketing mechanism in place. It took him an year. He learnt the nitty-gritty of online marketing from scratch and set-up a team of different profiles. I knew he was on a good wicket and acquiring an experience which employers will find of great value.

But when I met him recently, after a few years, he said he had left that job and was running a small business of placement. I was amused, but since he was a smart operator, I was sure he will be a success.

But that amusement turned to sadness today, when he asked me to bail him out of his financial mess by referring him to some possible employers. He was ready for any job!

The net take is -
Everybody knows a round plug goes into a round hole.
But decide what sort of plug you are - round or square.

When one can’t define himself, he presents a garbled message to the world. So, even if he has some ideas and skills for which there may be a market, people are not able to slot him into a role and give him work.

"We choose our playground"
I was once talking to a famous Tamil movie Director, who also used to act as hero. During the conversation, I found him to be a mediocre guy creatively. I thought to myself ,many of the Art Directors and  copy writers in advertising agencies will be far ahead of him in their creative bandwidth and more sophisticated in presenting their ideas.

Then I asked myself 'How come this Director has made crores while the talented Advertising people make a few lakhs in their entire lifetime?"

It struck me that we choose the playground... and we play the role we have visualized.

So, there are 2 dimensions to our growth -
1 - Identifying where we are naturally strong and becoming a marketable expert in that.
2 - Identifying the arena where we exhibit our expertise

Otherwise as the poem says above, one may end up asking just for a penny and the world pays you just that.

There is a touching but extreme visualization of 'The Wage' here at Zen pencils 

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SreeRam is a marketing communications consultant and owns NATHAN’S MEDIA GROUP at Chennai, India.

In his free time SreeRam teaches KravMaga self-defence to Civilians, Police and Security.  Those activities can be seen at KRAVMAGA CHENNAI

DUCKS & EAGLES

A traveler was waiting in line for a ride at the airport. When a cab pulled up, the first thing this traveler noticed was that the taxi was polished to a bright shine. An enthusiastic cab driver jumped out. He was smartly dressed in a white shirt, black tie and pressed black slacks. He went around and opened the door for the traveler.

He handed the passenger a laminated card and said: “I’m William, your driver. While I’m loading your bags, I’d like you to read my mission statement.”

Surprised, the passenger looked at the card. It said:

William’s Mission Statement

To get my customers to their destination in the quickest, safest and cheapest way possible in a friendly environment.

The passenger was impressed, especially when he noticed that the interior of the cab was as clean as the outside. Then William got in the cab and said: “Would you like a cup of coffee? I have one thermos of regular and one of decaf.”

The passenger said, “That’s OK. I’d really prefer a soft drink.” William smiled and said, “No problem. I have a cooler up front with soft drinks, water, and orange juice.”

Handing him his drink, William then said, “ If you’d like something to read, I have the New York Times, Time, Sports Illustrated, and USA Today.” And as they were leaving the airport, William handed the passenger another card. This one read, “These are the stations we get and the music they play, if you’d like to listen to the radio.” And if this wasn’t enough, William told the passenger that he had the air conditioning on and asked if the temperature was comfortable enough.

Then he advised the passenger of the best route to his destination for that time of day. He also let him know that he’d be happy to chat and tell him about the sights or, if the passenger preferred, he’d leave him with his own thoughts.

The amazed passenger then asked, “Tell me William, have you always served customers this way?”

William smiled into the rear view mirror and said, “No, not always. In fact, it’s only been a few years. My first 5 years driving, I spent most of the time complaining like all the rest of the cabbies do. Then I heard on the radio one morning that if you get up in the morning expecting to have a bad day, you’ll rarely disappoint yourself. The announcer said, ‘Stop complaining! Make yourself different from your competition. Don’t be a duck. Be an eagle. Ducks quack and complain. Eagles soar above the crowd.’

That hit home,“ said William. “That was me. I was always quacking and complaining, so I decided to change my attitude and become an eagle. I looked at all the other cabs and their drivers. The cabs were dirty, the drivers unfriendly, and the customers unhappy. So I decided to change some things. I changed a few at a time. When my customers liked it, I put in some more.”

“It looks like it has paid off for you,” said the passenger.

“It sure has,” William said. “My first year as an eagle, I doubled my income. This year I’ll probably quadruple it. You were lucky to get me today. I don’t sit at cabstands anymore. My customers call me for appointments on my cell phone or leave a message on my answering machine.”

DEALING WITH DIFFICULT PEOPLE !

Assuming WE are NOT the difficult ones, I proceed.

Who is Difficult to handle?
In relationships or workplace the characteristics are more or less same, like …
The Bossy
The Grumpy
The Cry baby
The Slouchy

OK, I accept this is too simplistic. One can always see all the detailed sub-categories which Carl Jung and later Myers-Briggs spelt out* …

Coming to our issue of dealing –
Option 1
EXPLAIN YOUR PREDICAMENT, if they are open to reason.
Don’t ramble. Be precise what’s troubling and stop. Let them ponder over it.
If you can’t talk, write a note. Again, don’t write an essay.

Option 2
CONFRONT, if your position in the relationship permits it.  Or, even if it does NOT!
Spell out your threshold.  And be clear once it’s crossed you will take a call.

Option 3
LEAVE THE RELATIONSHIP, if both above options fail.
But prepare for consequences beforehand.

This should NOT be Option 4
SWALLOW AND MOVE ON, CURSING YOUR FATE.

*16 types based on 4 Dichotomies –
ATTITUDE  >> Extraversion  vs  Introversion ( E vs I)
PERCEPTION  >> Sensing  vs  iNtuition ( S vs N)
DECISION MAKING >> Thinking  vs Feeling ( T vs F)
RELATION TO OUTSIDE WORLD >> Judgment vs Perception ( J vs P)

3 elements to keep the love alive! And probably save the marriage too!

I came across this concept and thought it was a very sensible one. Hope it clarifies the confusion which many of us have, but cant word.

Sternberg's Love Triangle is a theory regarding the various facets of love. It states there are three factors in the love triangle model - INTIMACY, PASSION and COMMITMENT.

Intimacy exists when thoughts and feelings are shared.

Passion is the physical desire to want a person.

Commitment is the value placed on the relationship.

When a person is intimate, without being passionate or committed, there is a good friendship;

when a person is passionate without being intimate or committed, he or she is a flirt.

Thirdly, with only commitment, there is only a 'dead' relationship.

Intimacy and Passion together make up romance - the stuff all lovers are made of.

Passion and Commitment without intimacy is seen in adolescent love, or in cases of superficial love in early days of love when passion rules.

Commitment and Intimacy without passion happens when two people are either best friends or when there is no 'spark' in a marriage.

The detailed triangle can be seen here

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/2/26/Triangular_Theory_of_Love.gif

I am carrying a great sword but I am a Coward

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This Happiness blog is actually painful! The exercise has become a personal stock taking and the flaws are in Black & white.

We try to control our personal universe - family, work place and community. When it’s not effective we recheck only the external parameters. "What’s wrong in this scenario? Why it’s not working"

Stephen Covey says the realization is altered when we stop thinking “Outside In” and start looking "Inside Out".

Ask

"Do I possess the characteristics to get this situation in my control?"

"Am I sending the right signals to the people around me?"

The first step - I have to give up my resistance to truly look at myself without the cosmetic ‘soft light’.

The second step – Articulate my flaws loudly. As it’s often said, habits by sheer repetition concretize the character.

The third step – Put in an action plan to eradicate these failings.

Thiru Valluvar gave me a slap on the face “Having idealistic plans for society without personal management, is like a coward being given a great sword”

Why we carry our "Strengths' like a cross!

Only one idea explored in 150 words or less. Now that’s already 14 words!

We are the heroes and heroines in our own life, with a character defined by us. Its tough to get out of the mental script, even when a “Hamartia” is playing havoc in our life.

Hamartia or “fatal flaw” of Shakespeare’s tragic heroes – like Hamlet’s Procrastination or Macbeth’s Ambition.

When things are going terribly wrong all around us we blame others or we blame the situation. Very few blame themselves..hmmm.. or is it “ourselves”?! See.. that’s exactly what I meant.

So the “Nice” ones get nicer and nicer to become “soft”. “Disciplined” ones become “rigid”. “Ideas” people become “Dreamers”. “Efficient” ones become “Control Freaks”. If only there is an alarm which rings when we cross the thin line.

So we say “ I am like this.. so what?”, and opt to suffer rather than change.